Resolution to Resolve: Day 12
It is a new year, but I do not feel like a new me. I was thinking yesterday about how we demarcate each year’s beginning and end with the New Year’s holiday. It feels like the ending of one chapter and the beginning of the next, and some really internalize this idea. People create resolutions and goals for themselves to carry out while the year is still fresh and unadulterated, but unfortunately all too many of them succumb to the unbearable weight of failure and end up giving up on their goals just as soon as they started. I, being the human that I am, am not immune to such desires to give up on my goals when they do not quite pan out as I had wished. Nevertheless, crushing this part of me that gives up so easily is my one and only true resolution for the year.
The point of these posts is to share my insights and journey as I go 60-days without porn (but hopefully longer). Currently I am on day 12, and I can say that I have not looked at porn. Has it been tempting? Sure! But the further away from it I get the more that I realize just how shitty it is. Porn feels like settling for one of those Spongebob freeze pops from an ice cream truck when you really want Italian gelato because you do not want to put in the effort to get the good shit. In the case of sexuality, porn is like the Spongebob freeze pop and real sex is like the Italian gelato. Of course, sex is not within reach for everyone at all times, just as Italian gelato is not always within reach for everyone. The point remains though, if you want the real sex or the Italian gelato then do not settle for less. If you want porn or the Spongebob freeze pop, that is fine too, but you have to be clear that that is what you really want.
My point in taking that tangent was to relate it back to what I first said about crushing the spirit of giving up as being my one New Years resolution. Of course I am trying to quit watching porn, but this is the watershed effect of me wanting to be someone who does not give up on achieving his goals. If I can effectively decide to quit watching porn, resist the urge to watch it, and meet my clear and measurable goal of not watching it for 60-days, I am one step closer to achieving the more ultimate goal of strengthening my mind as a person who does not quit.
At this point I am sure that there are some of you who think that I am crazy, that is the few of you who actually read these posts. Although I can not say that you are wrong, what I can remind you of is that everything that I am sharing here is descriptive and not prescriptive. This is to say, what I am sharing in these posts has to do with my own life and personal development, it is no way a recommendation for what others should do in their lives. I just feel the need to strengthen my mind, and I have identified one area in which I can do this. I consider these 60-days to be a part of my much larger, much longer term, mental resistance training. This is my resolution to resolve for good.
Day 12.
