Diaries of a Dying Man Pt. 4

Check out the other posts in this series @Josh Sheridan

It’s been three months since I was discharged. It was summer when I left the hospital, and it’s winter now. A funny juxtaposition considering how cold I grew in the warmth and how warm I’m growing in the cold. It would be nice if I could directly attribute the growth to my stay at the hospital, but that would be a failure of attribution. During my first few weeks back in the real world, I struggled with the same things which had landed me in the hospital to begin with. When I broke down crying at a friend’s engagement party (partially happy tears, partially sad), I drew the conclusion that simply going to a hospital wouldn’t fix the problems. The next day, I committed to a future. Over the following weeks I started planning that future. Now I am slowly actualizing that future.

To date, I cook several times a week, run six days a week, tutor twice a week, have finished two classes, journal daily, meditate twice a day, read, and fantasize about what life would be like if I started dating. It hasn’t been easy, nor has it been nearly as hard as it is for some people, but I can say with much assurance that the ups and downs have been worth it. I’m just beginning too! With that does come some not so great moments, but I have shoulders to lean on, and my own shoulders have gotten a lot stronger. Life has never felt so beautiful, nor have the people I get to share it with. I am constantly reminding myself that life is temporary, so it’s best to get caught up in the good moments and address (not obsess) the bad. Most importantly, I’m reminded that life is a journey, and there is no racing on a journey, just enjoying. Therefore, I am trying to learn how to enjoy. It means different things to different people, so I urge you to figure out what it means to you as an individual. Regardless, just know that I’m alright, am in progress, and won’t be done until my heart or mind gives way. Until then, I look forward to seeing you along the way. Feel free to let me know how it’s going. We’ll have something to discuss when our paths do cross.

Talk soon,

Josh

P.S. I know you thought this post was going to be longer considering all the buildup, but it’s really all I’ve got to share right now. Share how you’re doing sometime? Shitty, fucked, blase, trapped, freed, healthy, overjoyed… I’m open to hearing it.